Reminded

The past few days have been pretty tough for me. I can't put my finger on the exact cause other than sorrow is here to stay. It seems as though sorrow has settled in my every bone and whispers in my ear it is not going away any time soon. I don't know why I am surprised at this, but I am. Our pregnancy with Faith had a finish line-there was going to be a day when we wouldn't be travelling to the doctor every other week, when I wouldn't feel sick any more, and when we wouldn't count her movements to make sure she was still alive in me. But with the end of our pregnancy came the end of the possibilities. I always believed that God could heal her and, the further our pregnancy progressed, the more I believed in the possibility. The Lord simply had bigger plans for her and for us. He has given her a legacy in this world that far exceeds anything I could have imagined and I am reminded today that we are still her voice even though she is gone.

Yes, sorrow is here and will be close to my side for I don't know how long. There is no finish line for this like there was when we were pregnant with her. I hear that it will change and become easier as time goes by. But today, sorrow is here. I don't know if I feel this way because of the preliminary autopsy report we received on Friday, because this week I have spent my first two days alone since she was born, or because I am going back to work and the real world on Thursday. I know it is a mixture of everything and, yet, only one thing. I lost my daughter, so sorrow is here. I'm a little nervous about going back to the real world. Some moments and some days it takes everything I have to put a smile on my face for Jackson. Will I be able to do that all day long?  I don't know, but I know I have to try. God promised daily bread, so I am counting on Him.

God has been so good today...a day when I needed simple reminders. When sorrow has gotten too close for my comfort, He has given me reminders of why this has happened and how Faith has left a legacy. I received more than five messages today from family and friends who 'felt' we needed extra prayers today. How ever-present our Lord is! Our God is a living God who takes care of us now. He used those of you who have left messages or emails to lift me up and give me some breathing space from the sorrow that has been overwhelming.

I know I have said this before, but the Lord has truly used each of your messages to remind me that we will get through this. We can do this...one day at a time. Thank you for reminding me of the joys of our journey today. When sorrow creeps in, I know I can go to all of your messages of prayer, love, and changed lives to be reminded of how good our God is and how majestically He works everything according to His purpose. I am reminded today that God loves Faith even more than I do and He is taking care of her. She is in Heaven praising Him for giving her eyes to see, a heart to love, and ears to hear angels sing. What more could a mommy want for her baby girl? I gave her the greatest gift I could as a mother by letting her go to Heaven and be with Jesus. So, as sorrow sits closely with me, I thank you for reminding me today of the joy we have been given throughout this journey.

I will, for the rest of my life, be grateful for Faith...the joy and the sorrow. She mattered and she still matters. She is still reaching people far and wide. She is still encouraging us to love each other a little deeper, share a little more, and trust our Jesus with all we have. She has changed us, our family, and even some of yours. Thank you for sharing your lives with us. Thank you again for your messages, prayers, and love.