My heart is full and I want to share with you the beautiful details of Faith's time with us. I know I just posted about her birth, but there is so much more to tell about our baby girl. We fit a lifetime with her into a few short hours!
Our family stayed with us and never left the hospital until Shawn and I did. We were each able to love on her in special ways and I fully believe that she knows each of us! After Faith was born, everyone was invited back into the room. We all gathered in a circle of prayer and Shawn baptised our daughter using a seashell full of water and tears. The room was filled with bright lights, the Holy Spirit, family, joy, love and tears as we gathered to bless our angel. We then shared Faith through our circle as everyone greeted her for the first time. What a joy, as her mommy, to see her so loved in such a special way.
To be honest, we were a little nervous about how she would look. God made her beautifully-just like Psalm 139 promised. He allowed us to see her beauty through His eyes and we had some surprises. Faith had hair! When we found out about all of her abnormalities, I began praying for specific little details-hair was one of them. Oh how God hears us even when we pray for little things! Faith did not have eyes and only one ear for this world. Jackson later asked where Baby Faith's eyes were. The only way I could explain it to him is that Faith got eyes from Jesus in Heaven for her birthday. Jesus' birthday present to our baby girl-a perfect body with eyes just for Him! She had beautiful, perfect hands with delicate little fingernails. I never want to forget those hands and how tiny they were, but how intricately perfect they were. Her left foot was turned in, but her right one was perfect. She had 10 gorgeous little toes! Oh how I wanted to paint her little nails and have her wrap her fingers around mine.
The rest of the day was spent loving Faith-remembering what we know about her and learning all of the delicate parts. Our day nurse, Jamie, was so kind and gave us all the time we needed with Faith. She was born and died at 6:30 in the morning, but we held her in our arms until 4:00 that afternoon. The only time she left our arms was to get some genetic testing done and to do her footprints. I had decided that the garden stone was too much of a project for us to undertake on Faith's day, but I still wanted her to have her 'crafty' birthday party. Every Christmas Jackson makes an ornament with his hand print or footprint. One year his footprint was a glittery angel and on another ornament his hand print was Santa Claus. A few weeks ago I realized that Faith would probably not be with us for Christmas, but I so desperately wanted her to have an ornament. Jamie was so kind to help us get all the ornaments made-one for each member of our family. Faith had her craft day, she made footprint ornaments, wore feathers on her hair, and put her hand prints on each one of our hearts.
Jackson was such a trooper-he stayed with us in the hospital the whole time. He slept about two and a half hours Saturday night and only took an hour nap on Sunday. He was in a great mood all day, wanting to play and spend time with family. I am still amazed at how well he did and what joy he brought to Faith's birthday. We gave Jackson his presents from Faith around noon thinking that it might entertain him. I had no idea the joy and memories it would make for me and our family. All of our family got on the floor of our hospital room and played in the 'centers' we had for Jackson. Some of our sisters played with Lego's while others played 'Don't Break the Ice.' The boys watched football and Jackson joyfully ran from one activity to another. It was one moment during the day that filled the entire room with joy and laughter. It was at that time that I sang happy birthday to my little girl. She did have a joyful birthday party in spite of the fact all of our hearts were breaking. She had centers, paint, football, games, toys, feathers, rhinestones, and soft blankets. Oh, Father, thank you for injecting joy into that day. A day that could have been dark and dreary transformed into unspeakable joy.
I think I held it together until about 3:00 that afternoon. Most of our family left to pick up lunch or to gather a few things for us, and Faith was being held by her PawPaw and Daddy. Jackson finally took a nap and I closed my eyes for almost an hour. I had such peace knowing she was in the room with us and my body truly had to have a bit of rest. I woke up and realized it was 3:00. My time was coming to a close and I became overwhelmed with grief. Faith's body was ready to rest-she was changing and I couldn't bear to watch it anymore. Giving my little girl up for the last time on this earth was honestly the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Our family gathered in a circle and I held Faith. My mom said a beautiful prayer over us and we played Faith's song "I Will Carry You" by Selah. I hope to upload it for you soon. It is a beautiful song written during a time that another mommy gave her baby girl to the Lord. It is so tender and spot on to every emotion I feel as Faith's mommy. I carried Faith all of her life and I will continue to carry her for all of mine-long after the empty cradle.
We then played hymns and other songs while each one of our family members told Faith goodbye. It is so difficult to watch the hearts of people you love break before your eyes. We each love Faith Marie so so much. While we know we will see her in Heaven, our arms and our hearts long for her here. Everyone left the room so Shawn, Jackson, and I could have some time alone with Faith. Shawn and I explained to Jackson that the nurse was going to come and take Faith away so she could go be with Jesus. Jackson has been carrying his 'Faith Bear' since he learned about Faith-knowing he would give it to his sister. He willingly gave his bear whom he has grown so attached to his baby sister so she could take it to Jesus with her, not knowing what he was about to get in return. Shawn took out an identical 'Faith Bear' so Jackson and his sister can always share. One Faith Bear for Jackson to keep in remembrance of his baby sister and the one he gave to her for her to share with Jesus. Jackson then went to spend time with our family so Shawn and I could have some alone time with Faith.
The quiet is still difficult for us. We talked about what she might have been-a dancer, a cheerleader, a bride....we held her and we cried as we spoke about the dreams we had for her. We talked about the memories of our day with her and our journey so far. We see what the valley feels like and there is no grief like giving your child to the Lord. We promised to love each other through this and to keep her memory alive. We spoke about all we have learned through our time with Faith...how she let us see each other differently, helped us learn how to love better, and brought us united to our knees with our precious Lord. Faith has given so much to us and has taught us how to live life better.
We invited our family back in the room and then asked our nurse, Jamie, to take Faith. We said one last prayer, sang one last hymn, and gave our last hugs. As she left the room, I begged Jesus to come and fill this empty, gaping hole in our hearts and in our arms. Come now, Lord, we need You! I have never felt such a loss, but I have also never known the grace of my Jesus like I do now. I know He is the only reason we are still alive, breathing, and loving.
Thank you, again, for letting me share our Faith with all of you. Our journey is far from over and there is so much more to share. We will spend the day today planning Faith's service. Lord, please give us the strength to plan the day to honor Faith and to honor You. I am looking upward this morning with a thankful heart. I believe that I will rock her to sleep in Heaven, sing her lullabies, and feel her perfect fingers wrap around mine. The beauty of faith is that I know I will see and hold my little girl again one day. The beauty of Faith Marie was her heart and all she taught us about love, life, and the grace of Jesus.
Thank you, again, for letting me share our baby girl with you. I invite you to stay on this journey with us-so many more moments Faith gave us as a family. I am honored to be her voice and I pray, again, tonight that my words are not a jumbled mess. I pray they make sense as I type them. You have all strengthened us through your prayers and messages you send. Oh how we need strength now as our arms are empty. Tonight is the first night I have written to you without Faith moving and living inside of me. Thank you so so much. You are all in our prayers of gratitude. I pray the Lord loves on you and any hurts you may have today.
Wishing you many blessings and much love,
LaTisha
My husband and I attended the L.O.V.E. Retreat with you and Shawn. Shawn and I also graduated together. I have been following your posts. I just wanted to let you know that I have been praying for your family and Faith. I will continue to lift you up in prayer so that God will give you strength to get through this journey. You, Shawn, Jackson and Faith will continue to be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove Your Friend and YSIC, Kristie
To your entire Family:
ReplyDeleteYour amazing spirit continues to shine through this time of loss. Your Precious Faith Marie will forever be your special angel to watch over you always! May God continue to hold you in the palm of his hand. We will forever lift your family in prayer, for God to be with you on the good days and to wrap his arms around you on the days that things just don't seem quite fair.
When You feel Lonely
Look to the night sky on a clear day.
The star that to you, appears to be bright,
Will be your loved one,
Looking upon you during the night.
The lights of heaven are what shows through
As your loved one watches all that you do.
When you feel lonely for the one that you love,
Look to the Heavens in the night sky above.
With much Love,
Bobby, Molly and Madolyn Loehr
Dear LaTisha,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great gift Faith was to your family and to all of us who have read your blog or been able to share it with our friends and family also. A gift that will give in ways that will reach far and wide in this crazy world. Faith is exactly what we all need. I will continue to keep your family and Faith in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your Faith with us all. She is loved by so many!
Dear Sweet (((((((((((LaTisha))))))))))),
ReplyDeleteAs the Hymn goes..."Have Faith in God" well God's holding precious Angel Baby Faith Marie right now...he was holding her all along!!! Your testament of Faith and the Grace of God has been amazing and has touched so many of us and I THANK YOU!!
I'd checked the blog over the weekend and yesterday but then early this morning my daughter told me about Faith. I was sad but happy to find your sweet words of love and all here. Thanks for sharing these difficult but precious times with us and all ya'll did at the hospital because of Faith...your Angel and Faith in God!!! I will continue to pray for all of ya'll during this sad sad time but the way sweet Faith came into this earth and left...how special...loving and beautiful now THAT'S FAITH!!!
Love and Lots of Prayers and HUGS TO ALL,
YSIC Brenda Williams ♥
I am so glad you are sharing Faith's story. As I read all the past post to catch up, all I could do was cry. You and your family are so strong and will get through this difficult time. We will continue to pray for your family.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Kisses to you!!
Jayson, Jennifer, & Connor Savino
As I type this up I have tears in my eyes. I pray for your family. I grew up with Faith's Aunt Christy. I know you are surround by our wonderful God and a family full of FAITH. I will continue to keep mommy, daddy, and big brother in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMay God grant you the peace that passes all understanding and may he fill the loss you feel with His presence. I'm humbled by your strength and faith. My prayers are with your entire family, God be with you.
ReplyDeleteDear LaTisha, Shawn, and Jackson,
ReplyDeleteYour blog has touched me deeply. I am so happy that Faith came into your lives, but deeply sad that she couldn't stay with you longer. Thank you for all the love you shared. As a mother and grandmother, I can only imagine your grief. Thank you so very much for your prayers that entered my heart and strengthened my Christianity. My prayers will continue to be for all of you. I know God continues to care for Faith. I pray that his grace will bless and comfort all of you, and especially my friend, Diane.
Dear LaTisha,
ReplyDeleteI was in the small group study for many years with your Mom and Tonya and you came for a while when we were meeting at your mom's house. Tonya sent the link for your blog and what a blessing and inspiration you and your family are to me! God has imparted so much wisdom to you and your faithfulness in Him is encouraging. It's in these times when our faith is truly tested, but as Paul said, "in our weakness, he is our strength". Thank you for allowing God to use you for His greater purposes. I will be praying for all of you as you continue through this. I found this poem that I thought might speak to you. Again, thanks for sharing and being a light for Christ. Love in Christ, Amy Buehler
The Cord
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.
This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!
Author Unknown
Dear LaTisha,
ReplyDeleteYour heartfelt tribute to Faith has me sitting with tears streaming down may cheeks. Faith Marie may not have taken a breath in this world, but she has made a tremendous impact because of your walk of Faith. Your ability to share Faith with others has shown the way we are to daily rely on the Lord.
Know each day you are lifted by many,
Love,
Vicki
Dear LaTisha & Shawn,
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone by no means on this journey. Continue to turn to God for comfort and strength. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Matthew 11:28-30; Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly and the burden I give you is light." My prayer for both of you is to continue to have faith and trust in Jesus which is the only way to receive total peace for your mind, heart and soul. Prayers will continue for your family.
Love,
Sharon
You are an amazing mother to share this precious journey and your writing is very touching. As tears filled my eyes for you, Shawn, Jackson and Precious Faith, my thoughts were reconfirmed that Gods gives special people special journeys and special angels. Our family is also by your side on this journey and our prayers will focus on Strength for each of you.
ReplyDeleteLove, Britni
How beautiful! I know and share your pain and I thank you for being a witness to me, to everyone who reads this blog, to those who have had the joy to know/hear about you!!
ReplyDeleteI lost my sweet Moriah Faith 5 1/2 years ago...what a blessing our faith is...trusting..believing...knowing what awaits us..knowing where our girls are!! Blessings to you and your family!!
maria walther
moriahsfaith.blogspot.com