Hi again! I am so blown away by all of the emails and posts we have received in such a short time. I will try my best to respond to each of you...it may just take me a bit of time. To everyone who has sent us messages so far, you have blessed me today. Today was a doctor day and they are usually pretty rough for me. Your prayers and kind messages kept me lifted today and I cannot thank you enough. I have been anxious to get home and have some quiet time and share some thoughts and realizations I have had over the last few weeks. Again, I cannot express my deepest gratitude for your messages today! The Lord has placed each of you on my heart in such a specific way, so please know that I pray for you as you pray for us. I am feeling pretty raw tonight and I just want to be honest with all of you as you walk this journey with us.
First of all, it hasn't been easy. When Shawn and I first learned about Faith's prognosis, we were shocked, confused, and so so sad. God has worked in huge ways with us since the first night we found out. The doctors have all recommended that we end the pregnancy. Shawn and I spoke (briefly) about the possiblility. We were scared. Can my body continue to handle being pregnant and can we emotionally handle hanging on to her? The honest answer is NO, of course not! My body is not handling this pregnancy very well and emotionally we have been all over the place. This is what I do know....there was never a choice for me. I have learned too much about my Jesus and my Lord to know that He will not let us walk through a valley without letting us see the mountaintop. God promises glory on the other side of the battle. I do not want to miss out on one moment of this journey God has in store for us. This journey is not easy, and doesn't hold any promises of getting any easier. But I am clinging to His promises with my every breath. I want to treasure every moment we have with our baby girl, so we will live life including her in all that we do.
The verse that God has put on my heart for Faith is Psalm 139. Psalm 139 describes in detail how God knows us before we were born...when we were formed in the 'secret place.' Our days are known to Him-how many we have and how many we don't. The Lord knows every hair on our precious Faith's head and has caught every tear we have shed over her. How can I not trust Him in this? It is the only choice I have and truly the only way I get through tough days, like today.
My thoughts are all over the place tonight, so I am praying as I write this that it makes sense. I am overwhelmed with love for each of you caring enough to pray for us and join us on this journey. Honestly, though, I am tired tonight and my body feels weak. Like I said, doctor days have a way of taking it out of me. We spend so much of the day talking about Faith's prognosis and the 'reality' of her situation. Do not resusitate orders, neonatal consults, and in which hospital to deliver...these days are spent planning for the reality that Faith may not join our family like we hoped she would. Yet, tonight and every moment of every day, I still hold out hope. I know that my God can perform mighty miracles-He raised Lazarus from the dead. He can certainly heal our baby girl. The question is will He? I am prepared to accept His answer-whether it be yes or no. I rest knowing that not one of my tears will hit the ground. He will catch each and every one (He is going to need one heavenly-sized bucket,though for these tears). Please, Lord, let this journey and Faith's life be to Your glory!
I find myself worrying tonight about what lies ahead for us in this journey. One of the concerns the doctors have is my level of amniotic fluid. It doesn't appear that Faith is swallowing, so my fluid levels are rising. If they get too high, I will have to go in for another amnio to have some of it drained. To tell you the truth, I am not looking forward to the procedure (needles and I are not great friends). However, I am reminded of daily bread. God promises that I will have what I need when I need it-not before and not 10 minutes too late. If we have to go in and have some fluid drained, I know that Heaven will stand still (thanks, Nicole!) so God Himself can hold my hand. When I start to fear what will happen, I just remember daily bread. He will provide perfectly...I know He will.
My prayer for each of you tonight is that you have daily bread and that it is apparent to you that the Lord has provided perfectly. You are in my prayers, and thank you again for keeping us lifted.
With much love and humility,
LaTisha
LaTisha - I got your blog address from a friend I used to work with. You can add "across the world" to the list of people praying. My husband and daughter and I currently live in Budapest, Hungary. We will pray for peace and comfort - come what may. In him - Michelle Bellomy
ReplyDeletelaTisha, my husband Bob works with Tommy and i think i may have met you at the rodeo a few years ago. Anyway, God moves in powerful, often incomprehendable ways and it is so uplifting to watch Him work in your and your family's life!!! This WILL work out for God's glory; there is no doubt about that: keep your focus on that and be comforted in knowing that you are being a Bridge to Christ in the midst of your tragedy dear one.
ReplyDeleteGod's Peace be with you,
Dixie Evans
Shawn, LaTisha, Jackson & sweet baby Faith –
ReplyDeleteBrent and I are totally blown away by your story, your strength, and your amazing love and trust in our Lord. You are both a great testament to how we should all live our lives with all of its bumps, twists, and turns. It is always so eye-opening to hear of someone’s faith journey and realize that the little things that the rest of us dwell on are just unimportant and oh so small in comparison. Your choice of Psalm: 139 to reflect on and draw strength from could be no more perfect. What a beautiful message our Lord gives to us to know that he is All-knowing and Ever-present. Please know that you, Shawn, Jackson and baby Faith are in our prayers. We pray that our Good and Gracious God will give you and your family strength, peace, guidance, wisdom and the understanding that only He can give. Thank you for including us in your journey.
With Love,
Brent, Natalie, Kylie & Krista Irby
LaTisha - I learned about your blog from your mother-in-law. You (and your family's) journey of faith, through Faith Marie, is such an inspiration to us all. I can not begin to fathom the pain and suffering you all are going through and just wanted you to know that we lift you all up in prayer daily. When you feel that you can't go any more, God will carry you. May His peace and comfort be with you.
ReplyDeleteLinda Bolcik
LaTisha, I know you are very apprehensive about the amnio procedure, but you can do it! I had to go through it in an emergency situation and was terrified, and then greatly relieved when it was over. My imagination working overtime had done me no good, and then it went incredibly smoothly. I pray the same for you. God will be holding you, as He was holding me. You will get through it, if indeed you have to. God will give you strength, and your love for that precious baby will give you strength. I'm praying for you!
ReplyDelete