Drawing Near...

I cannot thank all of you again for the prayers and messages. God seems to deliver them at just the right time when I need to be uplifted! Please know that you are all in my prayers daily as well. Faith has been sent to the Czech Republic, Belgium, Poland, Turkey, and across the US-in just a week!!!!

I had a beautiful image come to mind in the middle of the night this week. I needed some quiet time with the Lord about 3 am one night, so I pulled myself (quite unwillingly) out of my dark, warm, quiet bed and made my way to my rocking chair. I turned on a light and snuggled in with my Bible and a blanket. The house was dark and quiet-Shawn, Jackson, and our dog, Maddie, were sound asleep. I desperately needed to hear God's word. I have been having terrible visions of tiny caskets, fresh dirt, and empty arms on my mind lately. I am now in my third trimester and I know the time to meet Faith is drawing near. I am clinging to every moment I have with Faith-wanting to remember every kick and squirm just in case it is the last. I do promise to get to the beautiful part! God works in wonderful ways. As I sat in the rocking chair listening to the still, quiet house, I began reading my Bible. All of the verses I was drawn to focused upon being 'chosen' and not alone in this journey. The Lord ordained this journey for our family before He ever created the Earth, moon, and sun. He walks with me and catches every tear I cry. I know that He hurts to see all of us hurt so, but I also know He has a greater plan. There was joy as I sat alone with the Lord knowing that He loves me enough to carry Faith and be her mommy. He knows how every bit of this journey will end, why it is happening, and how it will bring glory to His name. My job is to have faith and rest in Him. Other verses I found that night reminded me that I am not alone. The beautiful image the Lord gave me was that as I sat alone in a quiet, dark, rocking chair, someone across the world from where I am might very well be praying for Faith with me. Maybe at 3am in Houston, there was someone in Poland or Turkey or Ohio praying for Faith-my middle of the night prayer partner! I truly mean it when I say your prayers keep me going. Thank you, thank you again!!!

Monday I went to see Dr. Adam, our perinatologist. My mom and sister were able to go with me. Shawn is saving his days for important doctor visits and for after Faith arrives. I, in the meantime, have decided that I can no longer brave doctor visits by myself. I need a babysitter, and on Monday I had two of my favorite women join me. I was nervous about my fluid levels being too high, but glory to God, they were not high enough to drain! Thank you, again, for those specific prayers! The ultrasound confirmed that Faith's conditions are the same and shed some light on what she might look like. She will be our angel girl with or without a perfectly formed body. Some of the details caught me off guard, though. I think mom and sister gasped at a few things we learned. The whole time I tried to stay focused, unemotional, knowing that I needed to gain as much information as I could while we had Dr. Adam in the room. Holding it together is a double-edged sword for me. The tears have to come out-I just pray they come out in a small and private room. Not Monday. After the ultrasound, we got in the elevator and were joined by a baby girl and her daddy. She was precious and cooed while we rode for what seemed to be an eternity in the elevator. I think I literally ran out of the elevator and out of the building to catch my breath. My hurt was wide open for the world to see and I couldn't hold it in. I was so happy for the daddy who had his precious, cooing, sweet smelling baby girl, but so sad for what we had just seen on the black and white screen in Dr. Adam's office. The tears fell...

We all three then went to the hospital to pre-register in case Faith decides to arrive early. The wind was blowing and it was actually cooler than normal-a rarity in Houston! We talked about the things we want to do with Faith and how she will be perfect in Heaven. She will have eyes to see Jesus and a beautiful voice to sing His praises. We went to see the labor and delivery floor and had an angel of a nurse take us for a tour of the floor. I am needing to prepare myself for the day she arrives. Part of my preparation is to see it in my mind-to place the people in the room and imagine the noises and smells. The nurse was so kind to give us pointers for our hospital stay-she even said she would love to be our nurse when the time comes. I know that the Lord sometimes uses strangers for Him to draw near to us in a tangible, human way. Oh how I needed it this day.

We then ate our weight in food and cheesecake-the only way to end a morning like we had! Mom and I bought some new toys for Jackson while we are at the hospital. Anything to bring joy to our little Jackson during this time is a relief! We ended the day purchasing some items for Faith's arrival and eating dinner with Shawn and Jackson. It was an exhausting, yet productive day. The Lord was there at every step making sure we had what we needed. I know He continues to be there and uses each of you reading this and praying for us to draw us near. As the end of our pregnancy draws near, we are drawing more near to the Lord-depending on Him for strength and wisdom.

Thank you, again, for all of your prayers, hugs, smiles, and messages. God has truly used them to wrap us up in His love!
LaTisha